Do you want to prove, or improve?

Listening to Mel Robbins and Dr. Dolly Chugh’s recent podcast, I heard Dr. Chugh, behavioral scientist and NYU professor, describe how she responds to patients who give her a reason why they haven’t made a change. The patients will reply to her with statements meant to prove why the steps she has asked them to change have been done, or not done. They defend their actions. The doctor then asks, “Do you want to prove, or improve?” With this question, she is asking if they want to try to argue a point that may, or may not, be helpful. Or, do they want to look at it “with a beginner’s mind,” with the goal of improving. This takes letting go of all past attachments to beliefs, habits, or education. It requires an open mind to your unknown. In turn, starting from a place of improving, not proving, will start the process of change.